All That I Have

Today has been all about spreading positivity and love, and making sure nobody feels alone. But it has also been about some sobering issues and the appalling lack of attention we pay them in modern society. Because today, October 10th, is World Mental Health Day. I've said it before on this blog and I'll say it again: mental health is just as important as physical health.


The fact is, 1 in 4 people in the UK experience a mental illness - but those are just the people that go to the doctor. An expert I met suspects that up to 1 in 2 people could go through dark periods, whether that constitutes a diagnosable mental illness or not. Suicide is the biggest killer of men younger than 45, and men are three times more likely to commit suicide than women, with evidence strongly suggesting that this is due to the huge societal stigma that men who discuss emotions and mental wellbeing are "weak". 41% of the population said that they would not want anyone to know if they were suffering from a mental health problem. When vet students were surveyed, the statistics are even more shocking, and I'm only including this because I'm one of them - a vet student. Vets are up to 4 times more likely to commit suicide than the general population. 38.7% of vet students have experienced suicidal thoughts. And compared to that 41% who'd keep mental illness a secret, 75.5% of vet students wouldn't want anyone to know. These are staggering figures, and I included the shock factor for one simple reason: We need to talk about mental illness.

If you are living with a mental illness, you are still you. You're still in there. And you're trying your best. But while you used to be queen of punctuality, now you're always late. Because you spend so much time stressing over every little detail of what to wear, what to bring, whether you'll be warm enough or not. And while you used to be the guy inviting everyone over and arranging social events, now you're a "flake", because the idea of diving into a group of people crushes your chest to the point where you can't breathe. And while you used to be so cheerful and driven, now you spend hours staring at walls and contemplating whether or not getting out of bed is really worth it. All of those things - those are clinical signs. They are not a change in who you are. They are the equivalent of walking with a limp on a sprained ankle, or coughing because you have a chest infection. But that's not always how society sees it, and that needs to change.You're not always late, you're not a flake, and you are not in the least bit worthless or empty or whatever else is crippling you to the point you can't get out of bed. No. You are mentally ill, and like any illness, we all need to look after you and help you get better. And for that to happen, we need to talk about it.

I'll go first. I have anxiety. I'd say it's probably High Functioning Anxiety Disorder, but I've never had a formal diagnosis. I won't go into the details because I still have to tackle them myself, and I'm in the best place and in contact with the right people to do that. I'm doing really well at the moment, but there have been some dark patches.


But. Now, things are different. I thought I had no one, but I have a friend who handwrites me letters so she can be my 'anxiety diary,' someone who will always listen to every detail, no matter how insignificant, to remind me how important I am. I thought I had no one, but I have a friend who asked for all the signs of my anxiety so she could recognise it, and for ways to help me if I ever feel down. I thought I had no one, but I have two friends who could make me laugh to the point of crying with ten seconds of political material, two sarcastic comments, and a combined reaction to a cat video. I thought I had no one, but I have a friend who would drive 84 miles to me if I called and asked her to, just so I never feel alone. I thought I had no one, but I have a friend who brought me into her family and made me feel so at home, and who would be there to just listen if ever I asked. I thought I had no one, but I have a friend who will stay on FaceTime with me all day as we go about our normal routines, making notes for school or cooking dinner and doing the washing up, and just hang out as though she's actually sitting in my bedroom, rather than in my phone, and who won't hang up without telling me she loves me or go to sleep without saying goodnight.

Just look at that. Look at all that I have. It's so stunning and heart-warming and full of light. I have that support. But the fact is, only two of those people knew I had anxiety before this summer, and only one really knew what was going on. I only thought I had one of those people, and back then I didn't even think I deserved that. So, here's what I need you to take away from this: you need to talk about it. Please, please talk about it. Because you are not alone. And I don't mean you're not the only person to suffer from mental illness, which you're not, but what I mean is, you have people. Great people. Excellent people. Maybe not trained to tackle mental health issues or accompanied by an impressive resume of life experience with mental illness, but people who are qualified to be there simply because they love you. Those people will get you through, and they wouldn't want you to feel alone, I know it. I know because that's what the people in the last paragraph said to me. I didn't tell them because I didn't want them to be sad, or to think differently of me, or to love me any less. And in the end... Yeah, they were sad, but only because they wanted to be there for me. They wanted to be strong for me. To smile for me, when I couldn't. And obviously the other two things I was afraid of were completely ridiculous. Please talk about mental illness, so you can find the people who'll be there for you. And please talk about mental illness so you can be the people who'll be there for someone in need. And talk about it for these reasons my good pal Alex wrote about, far more eloquently than I. Whether you suffer from it or not, please talk about mental illness.

Today I sent out messages of love and hope and encouragement. Because today is dedicated to all the valuable stuff I've rambled on about in this blog post. You can join a community at 7 Cups of Tea, make a promise to yourself at 1010.org, or speak to a loved one and just tell them - that you love them. You're grateful for them. They changed your life for the better. Today has been full of those messages. I sent messages to the people I needed to thank, and to the people who needed to hear that they are important and loved. And I got so many beautiful, emotional responses. Saying these things touches people's hearts and it's so important to them.


So. In honour of World Mental Health Day, I've been tweeting encouragement to love yourself and others and to make sure no one ever feels alone. I've been reminding people that mental health is important and deserves your care and attention. And I've just asked you on my blog to tell the people you love that you love them. And in all of that, I've taken my own advice.

It's your turn now. Stretch your wings. Because you are not your mental illness, and there is nothing - nothing - holding you back.


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